"This is the last time we're going to fund one of your little 'projects,' Vincent."

"Do you drive a convertible, but live with your parents?

Do the neighbors complain about your loud music... even though its Creed?

Broken your expensive sunglasses in a violent sneezing fit?

Wrestled a bear into submission only to discover it was hibernating?

Taken years of martial arts training, only to be accidentally shot in the spine by your 4-year-old neighbor?

If you're almost cool, but not quite ready to take the trip down Awesome Lane, then call me, the temptooist! I can get your arm looking like you spent a rough night getting drunk and pissing on strippers in Atlantic City, only to erase any evidence that you ever stumbled into my parlor and demanded a screaming eagle clawing out the eyes of a unicorn etched on your spinal column. Its like living the dream, but only as long as you can stand it!"

"If you're sick and tired of your friends laughing at you when you want to stay home on Friday and macrame, then finally, take them up on their offer and head on out to your local temptoo parlor, where we make your dreams... disappear forever!"

Speaking of cool, HBO is making a show about how giant Thomas Jane's dick is.

EDIT: I had a dream last night that I was playing Ninja Gaiden II and doing reasonably well. Weird that 1.) I dream about video games I have not played in weeks and 2.) In my dream, a concoction built from my own subconscious desires, I was only doing reasonably well.