What the hell was that?!

Seriously, guys, that's how they do it. White smoke if they've chosen the Pope, black smoke if they've chosen a black Pope. No, I'm telling you, they—

Whoa!

What was that?

Jerry, was that you? Ask him. Ask if that was him.

That wasn't you? What the in the hell WAS that noise?!

Oh, you're not--guys, he's not Jerry?

Thomas? Oh, I'm sorry, Thomas, I thought you were... where's Jerry?

Of course there's a "Jerry" at this party, I was just... did we figure out what that noise was?!

Guys, you heard that right? That ridiculous sound a minute ago.

I don't know, like a car raping a lion, but they were both really excited about it. It was... did you hear it? None of you guys heard it?! Seriously?! Hang on.

Did anyone hear that noise? Before? It was horrifying; I thought the devil was climbing down the chimney in a chariot pulled by ravenous bats.

Yeah, good one, Todd.

You’re damn right it was sarcastic.

I think you've had too much to drink, frankly.

Because, Todd, everyone's been saying it for years now. Put the bottle down.

Jesus.

No, you're embarrassing yourself! Just like you embarrassed my sister at your wedding!

I don't care if you guys have a "rich history inside each other," you don't bring it up during your vows. Asshole.

I got news for your pal, gonorrhea tends to... yeah, great, walk away while I’m still talking. Can you believe this, Julie?

Jul… shit.

Did anybody hear that noise? It was a little while ago. May have been a metal dinosaur eating a small town.

No?

Anybody in here-- oh sorry. Ha, ha! Sex at a party! Who knew?!

Chuck! Chuck, my man! Did you hear that noise?

What? Chuck, we've been friends for years.

I... of course, we had our First Holy Communion together.

When did you change into this cop's uniform?


**A man was discovered by police last night having flipped his station wagon upside-down in a field after driving home from a high school reunion. Sources tell us the man was a "complete effing loser" and kept insisting on having relationships with people who do not exist. Witnesses report he was too intoxicated to operate a soda can.**